Can Diamonds Areolas help you quit smoking?

Diamond - 'Happy to help'

The government announced a new incentive to give up smoking yesterday. The Health secretary Jeremy Hunt unveiled plans that former ITV Breakfast host Anne Diamond will be going door to door and rewarding quitters by flashing a single areola. The proposal has gone down well with most smokers. Robert Deathsnigh has hailed the new scheme as a double edged sword. 'I'll certainly pack in the fags if it means I get a glimpse at one of Diamonds nips.' He said whilst lighting a cigarette from the butt of another.  'However I'll probably masturbate straight after and will need a fag to calm down. So it's hard to see how the scheme will work long term.'

Norkes - 'Reids Areola's have been overlooked' 

Sources close to the Health secretary have spoke of their disquiet at Diamond being the figurehead for this campaign. 'I can't believe Diamond got the gig ahead of Susanna Reid,' cried Tory backbencher John Norkes. 'I haven't seen either of Diamonds Areola's, but I can't imagine they'd be on a par with Reids.' Scoffed Norkes. 'Plus Diamond smokes 40 a-day, its a slightly conflicting message wouldn't you say?'

Diamond refused to comment about Norkes outburst but did say she felt honoured to be involved with the initiative. 'To be honest its how I spend my Friday afternoons anyway,' quipped Diamond. 'So if I can help someone kick the habit, then its win win. Have you got a light?'