CONSUMER WRIGHTS

Do you know your Consumer Wrights?
Call our team of professionals now and we'll guide you through the murky maze.
Here's what our customers have to say about us.

I recently bought a laptop from PC World. The minute I managed to get online it automatically downloaded the sex tape of Katie Richie, (Sally from Home and Away). I couldn't believe my luck, and must confess, started masturbating immediately. In the excitement I accidentally jizzed all over the keypad, and my man-milk dripped through causing it to short circuit. When I went to return it they directed me to the manufacturer and told me my warranty was with them. I was outraged that they didn't refund my money so I phoned up Consumer Wrights and got straight through to Former Arsenal and England star Ian Wright. Whilst he knew nothing about where I stood legally with the warranty, he did tell me an interesting story of how he would help Gary Lineker pin his ears back with Blu-Tack before they filmed Match of the Day.
Elliot Richardson, Highfields

Ian Wright - Not legally trained, but interesting chap.

I was once duped into buying a second hand car off my mate Dave for £50. He told me that it had done 117,456 miles, but by the time he had driven it over to mine it had done 117, 460. When I met my mate Dave in the Pub later that week I told him he at least owed me a pint for putting an extra four miles on the clock. When he refused I phoned Consumer Wrights and got straight through to Radio 2 DJ Steve Wright. He didn't have an answer for where I stood legally with the car but entertained me with a factoid about how his wife has never given him oral sex in their 20 years of marriage. I told him I loved the show, even though I don't, and actually can't stand the cunt.
Rob Jones, Rosemary Ave

Steve Wright - Love the show, not really.

My wife spontaneously combusted the other night whilst we sat watching ITV's Long Lost Family with Davina McCall. I thought I could claim the damaged couch back on the house insurance but they told me I wasn't covered by natural disasters. When I phoned Watchdog and asked if I could sue the program, they put me through to Consumer Wrights where I got hold of reality TV personality Mark Wright. He was kind enough to take my call even though he was being noshed off in the disabled loo's by his fiance, that Tina from Coronation Street. At least that's what he called her. He wasn't overly sure on where I stood legally with my couch that is still smoldering with my dead wife's charred remains, but he told me a wonderful anecdote about how him and two of his Towie mates made an air stewardess airtight on a flight from Luton to Magaluf.
Alex Greaves, Leyton Orient

Mark Wright - Kind of him to take my call whilst being noshed off.

The other day I had a handy man come round and lay down 20 square feet of carpet in my lounge and hallway. When I came home I noticed he had carpeted over my dog that was asleep at the foot of the stairs. Its only a minor detail but when I asked if he could kindly come round and amend his mistake, he told me that he wouldn't be able to make it round for another 3 weeks. I have since had to drill holes in the carpet to allow the dog to breathe and have fed him water and heinz soup through a straw. When I phoned Consumer Wrights I got straight through to Matthew Wright from channel 5's The Wright Stuff. To my amazement, I was actually put through live on air. He didn't know the first thing about where I stood legally, neither did his panel of guests, Richard Bacon, Andrew Castle and Fiona Phillips, however this didn't stop them talking about it for two hours.
Steve Rolls, Braintree

Matthew Wright - Can talk about nothing, for hours.