Edmonds refuses to donate his pubes

Noel tight with his pubes

Noel Edmonds has come under fire this week after he refused to donate his shavings to the Pubes for Pillows foundation. The foundation that has been going for several years has many celebrity donators on its books.

The face for the campaign Brian Blessed remarked 'Gordon's Alive?' because he was that confused as to why Edmonds might be hoarding his batch of beard clippings.

Other celebrities are voicing their disapproval for Edmonds beard-boycott. Ann Widdecombe is a keen donator to the charity. 'In a way this charity is a blessing for me.' Shrilled the bowl-cut Strictly star.

'I fill up 3 green recycle bins a week in order to keep my growler kempt. Were it not for this charity I would have to spend another £75 a year on a 4th bin, ironically a bill that I helped pass whilst I was an MP. Little did I know it would come back to haunt me.'

Widdercombe growler under control

Bin Laden was also a regular donator to the charity as he fought to gain favour again with western society. However 'Laden's Linen' was a huge flop for the charity and the foundation was forced to drop the range. 

Rumours abound that Edmonds is soon to release his own batch of shavings for those that suffer from sack alopecia. Noel's Nut Whiskers are a perfect remedy for those that suffer from a bald sack, simply glue some of noels beard to your bollocks and you will no longer be bullied for this crippling condition that affects one in a million people. 

Edmonds is not the first celebrity to refuse to donate to Pubes for Pillows. Saint Nicholas has also abstained from giving up his twirly greys he told a sun reporter recently. 'Don't I fucking do enough for you people?' 

Other known names and best sellers for Pubes for Pillows are ex-snooker player Willie Thorne, Gladiators Wolfman and Susie Dent from Countdown's dictionary corner.